Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
