her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
