Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
