You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
