We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize