Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
