She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
