went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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