I need help removing her.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
