The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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