you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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