worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
