a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize