I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
