After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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