My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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