i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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