Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
