that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
