i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
