i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
