I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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