I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
