some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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