The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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