We're like a lot better than the average bears
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
