I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
