My hair reeks of homosexuality.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
