new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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