just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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