So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
