No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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