My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
