when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
