That's intense
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
