so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
