Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
