That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
