Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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