She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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