its not stalking. its research.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
