she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
