Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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