fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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