You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
