Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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