There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
