at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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