I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
