you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
