I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
