I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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