life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We had to coat check the pizza.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm sobbing to NWA
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
