could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
