I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Randomize
