I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
