So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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