Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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