yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
