last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
