I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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