I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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