We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
