like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
