Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
