Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
