Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
did i walk over a car last night?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
