I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
