new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
