I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
