So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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