What did we do last night that was yellow?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
